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Why I want my man much older –Monalisa Stephen

2 weeks ago 23

By Rita Okoye

Monalisa Stephen, a Nigerian plus-size model, fashion designer, stylist, actress, and body-positive advocate, discusses her challenges as a plus-size public figure, her relationship struggles, and new projects in this

Do you have some exciting new projects to share?

I am a creative soul, constantly pouring myself into new projects, even when life throws its hardest challenges my way. The ups and downs, the setbacks, they don’t break me—they fuel my fire. Every obstacle is just another layer of meaning, another story waiting to be told. Creating is my way of navigating through it all. It’s not easy, but it’s what makes me feel alive, complete, and fulfilled. I have music, films and projects for my plus-size community coming up very soon.

Are there obstacles that you face as a content creator?

The first and major one is stereotyping. There›s often a pre-conceived notion that fat creators don›t fit the «ideal» image, especially in creative industries. People can be quick to judge based on appearance, assuming that size affects talent, creativity, or worth. This can make it harder to be taken seriously or to get the same opportunities others might have.

Another issue is the lack of representation. It can feel isolating to navigate creative spaces where larger bodies aren’t visible or celebrated. Seeing few fat creators at the forefront makes it challenging to find a sense of belonging or support. Often, I have to push even harder to carve out my space in a world that overlooks people who look like me. These obstacles fuel my passion to keep creating, to challenge those limitations, and to show that creativity transcends size.

Have you ever felt intimidated and wished you were on the slim side?

Funny enough, contrary to what some bullies say, I have never wished to be slim. I love that I am fat, and I sometimes feel bad if I lose weight. Even during my recent domestic violence situation that made me lose a lot of weight, I felt really bad and started eating like a thief to gain my weight back, so I have never been intimidated! As a child, maybe, but I am grown and know what I want now.

What is your turn-off in a relationship?

Lack of emotional support! Unhealthy competition! Like why would you even want to start competing bitterly with the person who is supposed to be the love of your life? Your baby oh (Laughs). I also don’t like dishonest men and those who lack kindness. Poor communication is another turn-off.

But you had said you like older men, what changed?

Nothing changed. An older man to you can be my baby. I still like my man much older. I think the younger ones come with a lot of trouble, so I try to avoid them.

Have you also considered dating a younger lover, like someone you are older than?

No. I tried it once. He was the ‘period guy’. It was so weird, but he’s a good man.

Period guy? Please explain exactly what you mean?

I did a ‘period podcast’ that put me in a bad light online because people didn’t understand the full story; I was totally misunderstood. The headline went viral. “My boyfriend once gave me head on my period.”  People don’t actually know that if you have during your period, the blood flow will stop. So, when my then-boyfriend was giving me head, there was no blood because I was washed up and all. But people didn’t get to know the full story. They just started bashing and hating me, even turning the story around that I like men to suck my periods. That was what led to our breakup.

How do you handle body shaming on social media?

I sometimes ignore or educate them because they’re mostly ignorant. They don’t understand what body positivity means, they don’t understand how many have committed suicide cause of their harsh comments. For the determined haters, I just block them because they have already concluded they hate you and there is nothing you can do about it.

Due to your past experience, how do you plan to raise awareness about domestic violence and provide support to survivors?

It’s a combination of education, advocacy and direct action. I will use my social media platforms to raise awareness. I will share information about the signs and how to get help. Going forward, I will be sharing my experience and some willing testimonials from healed survivors that will shed light on the issue. I will also organize and collaborate with organizations to host workshops, webinars/seminars that will educate people about it and how to support survivors. I will urge the government to implement education on healthy relationships and consent. I will urge the government to include domestic abuse into school curriculum, to teach the young ones about boundaries and respect. I will create support groups, helplines, and mental health services. Also, I will encourage men who are being abused to speak up. There is a lot to be done, but I will definitely start from somewhere.

What is that one part of being plus-size that you don’t enjoy?

I don’t enjoy the fact that some people hate that I love my body. It’s really disturbing, but I have stopped caring.

Is Monalisa Stephen single and ready to mingle?

Yeah, I am single, but not ready to mingle. I just came out of something that almost took my life. Now, I am resting from relationship, healing and seeing a therapist.

How do you handle sexual urge when it hits you?

I am in love with myself. I think that’s something I am grateful for. I am someone that doesn’t mix work with pleasure, but if need be, and I am really horny, I masturbate.

Masturbate with sex toys or?

I am not a fan of sex toys like that, but I have a vibrator. I masturbate with my hands.

Do you still face struggles of getting to buy your perfect bra size?

Well, it’s not easy, but they’re brands that cater for that now. It’s a bit expensive, but it’s available.

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