This Remote-Controlled Vibrator Couldn’t Keep Up On Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to add some spice to your love life, and what better way than with a remote-control vibrator? At least, that’s what my date and I thought when we decided to experiment with one on our fourth date. The idea of teasing each other in public was thrilling—until reality set in. 

The Unboxing & First Impressions

The toy arrived in an unbranded, nondescript package, which felt more like a mystery box than a premium product. Inside, we found a bullet vibrator, a remote, a charging cord, and a surprisingly cute lacy panty designed to hold the toy in place. The vibrator took nearly two hours to fully charge, which felt excessive, but I wanted to ensure it lasted through our date.

The Public Play Experience

I slipped the vibrator into the panties and handed Aaron* the remote as we set out for our night. The excitement was real—but the execution? Not so much.  

• Issue 1: The Toy Needs to Be Turned on Manually  

  It was a rookie mistake on our part, but it was still a design flaw. The vibrator needed to be powered on before inserting it into the panties. Cue an awkward moment of fumbling in the car to fix that.

• Issue 2: The Sensations Were… Meh  

  I expected toe-curling pleasure but was met with ticklish vibrations instead of deep, rumbly sensations. The placement may have been off, but the lack of intensity made it feel more like a novelty than a turn-on.  

• Issue 3: The Remote Barely Worked  

  The biggest letdown was the remote’s poor connectivity. It had to be ridiculously close to the vibrator to function, and even then, it was hit-or-miss. At times, we were just pressing random buttons, hoping something would happen. 

• Issue 4: The Sound Was Noticeable  

  Subtlety is key when using a public-play toy, and unfortunately, this vibrator wasn’t discreet. While it wasn’t obnoxiously loud, I was paranoid for most of the night that anyone sitting near me at the bar might have heard the faint buzzing.

The Final Verdict

Before the night was even over, the toy gave up entirely, dying within an hour despite its long charge time. While it didn’t ruin our date—we laughed about it and explored better options—it wasn’t the thrilling experience I had hoped for.  

Rating: 5/10

• Pros: The lacy panties are adorable and wearable alone. The bullet vibrator has potential when used with the right pressure. 

• Cons: The remote is practically useless, the vibrations are underwhelming, and the battery life is disappointing.  

For ₦27,500, I’d rather invest in a wand or an app-controlled vibrator, which seems like a much better bet. If you’re looking for an interactive toy for date night, this one might not be worth the hassle.