“it is not just that,” she corrected, “it is about being romantic, just appreciating our moments together. Giving each other joy and fulfillment. Sometimes, I feel that he hates me and regrets our marriage. This has gone on for too long and I want out before I die.”
That really got me thinking. Too many sisters are in a rut in their marriages and don’t even know it. Several just get by accepting what I call the inevitable necessity. Society believes we ought to stay married but which is more important: the marriage itself or our happiness within the marriage?
So that brings me again to the question of true happiness. Is it okay to just be barely happy and continue to live day by day or should we demand the joy and fulfillment that Chineme talks about above? New concepts I thought – joy, fulfillment, true happiness! What is it that gives that sort of feeling when we can say: Yes, I am truly happy? Is it contentment, is it inner peace (that surpasses all human understanding), and is it patience? Well, I know what it is not: it is not success, it is not material accumulation of wealth, it is not riches, it is not climbing the ladder of our careers.
What is it then you might say? Sisters and readers alike: it is the joy of knowing that nothing matters but being closer to the Creator. It gives us an assurance that no one can steal our joy. Do not allow the Pauls in your life to take away your true happiness. If you have been together those many years, separation at this stage is not wise. I think you can work it out. He might not even know that he bothers you in that way. My point is that your happiness lies in your own hands and that you do not need someone else to make you happy.
I turned to Chineme and said if Paul is quiet and acts nonchalant; bring everything you desire out of him. Become exuberant, plan getaways, fix dinner parties and cocktails in your home, socialize more, study the bible together, drag him to prayer meetings, involve the children, chase after your inner most hobbies and interests.
If you pay the entire bills, encourage him to find a job so that he can pay his own bills. Do not lord that over him. Thank God that you are capable of handling the family; it is an honour from the Creator. Do not boast about it or make him feel bad, just love him for the good things he brings to the table, I mean bedroom, I mean home, — well, you know what I mean.
True happiness is a state of mind. You can achieve it if you are able to understand what life’s priorities are. You need to make a decision about being happy. So what if he does not notice that you lost five pounds? You have taken note of it, now celebrate it. Enjoy your self, enjoy your children, and cherish your friends and family. Embrace your work; thank God you are able to earn without much effort. Many have skills but can’t find jobs, many have food but can’t eat, and many have children who are in the streets.
So what, if he doesn’t cuddle. Sneak up to him and force him to cuddle. Slow down and smell the roses, take a walk and just appreciate nature. Bring him along too; he may soon have a change of heart about issues.
Happy New Month
ν Dr. NJ