Is separation the answer?

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Dear Bunmi,

I’ll soon hit 40 and have been married to my husband for 14 years. We have three children. Recently, I found some text messages on his mobile phone from a girlfriend he went out with 20 years ago.


I rang her and she confessed he’d expressed interest in seeing her again. He’d even sent her birthday and Christmas cards.


When I confronted my husband, he denied it though he’s been behaving strangely – staying late at work and telling me he’s seeing friends most evenings.

He says his friends are more fun than I am.We have no love life at the moment and I’ve told him I want us to separate.

Do we still have the semblance of a marriage or should I go ahead with the separation?

Kate, by e-mail.

Dear Kate,

It’s obvious that your husband is lying to you. It sounds as if he’s going through a midlife crisis and is trying to recapture his lost youth. The question is, are you willing to stand by him while he sorts himself out?

You’ve been with this man for 14 years and have three children by him. Isn’t that something worth fighting for? Your marriage is obviously going through a troubled patch – all marriages have them, even the best ones.

If your husband is prepared to give the relationship another chance, you should allow him the opportunity. You need to really sit down to discuss the effect his behaviour is having on the marriage.

But if he’s really not interested, may be separation would give him the jolt he needs to come back to his senses.


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