How to Set Healthy Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty

Healthy boundaries set the precedent on how you are perceived and treated within a relationship, workplace, family, and friendship.

In one of her articles, Oge wrote that people will treat you the way you want to be treated. This means if you want to be treated well, then you ought to set boundaries not just for others not to cross, but for yourself too.

There’s a special kind of exhaustion that comes from being everybody’s “go-to person”. One minute you’re helping a colleague finish a task, and the next you’re loaning money you know you won’t see again to a family member.

Meanwhile, your phone keeps buzzing because someone somewhere believes you should be available 24/7. You love your people. Truly. But you’re tired. And the guilt that comes with saying “no” is eating you alive.

What Are Boundaries, and Why Are They Important?

Boundaries are the clear limits and rules we establish to protect our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. They define how we allow others to treat us, what behaviour we find acceptable, and how we engage with the world. They help you decide what you let in and what you keep out.

In a country where “it takes a village” is the cultural norm, boundaries are important to protect your peace, maintain your sense of self, values, and priorities, and respect, and prevent overextending yourself.

Lack of boundaries will simply make people treat you like a doormat. Your time, energy and resources become public property.

How Do You Know You Need Boundaries?

As humans, it can be quite difficult to know when to set boundaries, sometimes because you don’t want to come across as overly excessive or because you are simply too good a person.

Here are a few signs that you need boundaries:

You feel irritated or resentful even when you agree to help.
You say “yes” instantly and regret it two minutes later.
You’re emotionally tired but still absorbing other people’s drama.
You’re financially stretched from endless requests.
You feel used… but you keep quiet to avoid conflict.

If you can relate to any or all of these signs, it’s time to put some boundaries in place.

The Four Types of Boundaries and How to Communicate Them Without Sounding Harsh

In Nigeria, tone is everything. You need to express your boundaries with warmth. These are the types of boundaries and examples of how to express them in any setting: platonic, romantic or corporate.

1. Emotional boundaries

You’re not a dumping ground for everyone’s crisis. Protect your mental space from constant trauma dumping and emotional manipulation.
What to Say: “I’m not comfortable with that, so I’ll pass.”

2. Time Boundaries

Not every call must be picked. Not every “Can you step out for a minute?” at work deserves an automatic yes.

What to Say: “This isn’t a good time for me, please.”

3. Financial Boundaries

It’s OK to say, “I’d love to help, but I genuinely don’t have the capacity right now.”
You’re not a bank. And black tax does not mean carrying what your income cannot sustain.

Resist the urge to say, “Let me see what I can do.” That is guilt speaking.

Social & Physical Boundaries

Whether it’s needing quiet time, privacy, or personal space, you’re allowed to ask for it. You’re allowed to exist without performing availability.

What to Say: “I need some quiet today. Can we speak tomorrow?

How to Set Boundaries That Stick: Step-by-Step Guide

There are 3 Cs of boundaries: Clarity, Consistency and Consequences. They help you establish and maintain healthy personal limits that people adhere to and respect.

Step 1: Tune In & Identify Your Limits

You can’t set a boundary if you don’t know where your line is. Start by paying attention to your feelings. That knot in your stomach, feeling of dread, or simmering resentment is an arrow pointing to a boundary violation.

Ask yourself: What specific situation is causing me stress? Who is involved? What about their behaviour makes me feel uncomfortable or drained?

Step 2: Get Clear on Your Need

Now, translate that feeling into a concrete need. “I feel drained” becomes “I need 30 minutes of quiet time when I get home from work.” “I feel resentful” becomes “I need my contributions to be acknowledged in the team meeting.” Getting specific is your superpower here.

Step 3: Communicate Clearly & Calmly

This is where most people get stuck. You don’t need to be confrontational; you just need to be clear. Use a simple, powerful formula: “When you [their specific behaviour], I feel [your emotion]. I need [your clear request].”

Example: When you message me about work after 6 PM, I feel stressed and unable to disconnect. I need us to keep our communication to business hours, unless it’s a true emergency.
Notice the use of “I” statements. They keep the focus on your experience and reduce defensiveness.