Starting a new job can feel like being the new kid in school all over again. You want to be liked, but not too eager to please. Friendly, but not overfamiliar. You’re trying to do well, learn fast, and maybe find someone to eat lunch with, and it’s not the easiest thing to do.
We already know that making friends as an adult is hard enough. Add the pressure of professionalism, tight schedules, and everyone glued to their laptops, and it becomes a whole different challenge.
Most adults say it’s harder to make friends once you leave school. The workplace seems like the next best social hub, but unlike school, people have jobs to do, meetings to rush to, and lives waiting for them after 5 p.m. Still, friendships at work can make your professional life not just bearable, but better. Studies have shown that people who have friends at work are more engaged, productive, and generally happier.
So, how do you build real connections in a place where everyone’s technically… paid to be there?
Why Work Friendships Matter
We spend most of our waking hours at work. That’s a lot of time to spend surrounded by people you barely know. Having friends at work turns the office from a cold, transactional space into a community.
Work friends make stressful days feel manageable. They check in on you, help you navigate tricky situations, and celebrate your wins. Research even shows that individuals with strong social connections at work are more engaged and more likely to stay in their jobs for longer periods.
Why It’s So Hard to Make Friends at Work?
Before you start trying to bond, it’s okay to admit that it feels awkward. Making friends in a professional space comes with invisible walls.
You don’t want to overshare too soon or appear as though you’re trying too hard. Everyone’s busy, glued to screens or stuck in back-to-back meetings. And there’s always that fear of “what if they don’t like me?”
Most people feel the same way, so you’re not alone. Everyone’s trying to balance friendliness with professionalism, and once you realise that, it gets a little easier to take the first step.
How to Actually Make Friends at Work
1. Start with Small Talk That Feels Natural
Start small. You don’t have to launch deep conversations right away. Comment on something relatable like the freezing AC, the never-ending traffic, or that aromatic firewood jollof someone microwaved during lunch.
Be consistent. One conversation might not build a friendship, but small, daily interactions do. Greet people when you walk in, compliment their outfit, or ask about their weekend plans. Over time, these light moments form the foundation for something real.
2. Join In Without Forcing It
Every office has its own rhythm, marked by group lunches, work jokes, and after-work hangouts. Join in when you can, even if it feels awkward at first. You don’t need to fake interests; just show up and be present.
You don’t have to attend every outing or say yes to everything, but being visible and open helps people see you as approachable. Friendships rarely happen if you’re always on the sidelines.
3. Be the Helpful Colleague
You’d be surprised how fast offering help can break the ice. It could be sharing a file template, helping with a report, or showing a new teammate how to use the printer; small acts of kindness are remembered. When people know they can rely on you, they naturally open up more.
4. Find Shared Interests Outside Work
Sometimes the best way to connect is to take things beyond office talk. Maybe you both love K-drama, football, or that new shawarma spot down the street. Suggest something casual, like grabbing lunch or coffee after work.
It doesn’t have to be an elaborate plan. A quick walk, a shared playlist, or a funny TikTok exchange can create a connection.
5. Respect Boundaries
Even as friendships grow, remember that work is still work. Not everyone wants to mix personal life with office life, and that’s okay. Avoid prying into sensitive topics or oversharing your own.
Early on, keep conversations light and positive. Avoid gossip, venting, or dragging others into personal drama. Healthy friendships thrive where mutual respect lives.
What to Avoid
It’s easy to make small missteps when you’re trying to build connections. Here are a few to steer clear of:
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Don’t complain about the office too early; you never know who’s listening.
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Don’t try to be everyone’s friend. Just focus on the people with whom you genuinely connect.
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And don’t overshare personal problems.
Real Friendships Take Time
It’s tempting to want instant connection, but real friendships rarely happen overnight. It might take weeks, sometimes months, before you find your “person” at work. Be patient.
Start by being kind, dependable, and authentic. Even if you don’t click with everyone, that’s perfectly fine. What matters is finding those few people who make work lighter, who laugh at your jokes during lunch, or check on you after a long day.
Work can be stressful, demanding, and exhausting. But with the right friends beside you, it also becomes fun and warm.
