You’re in the moment. Things are heating up, but you’re not exactly feeling it. You are thinking, “I wish they’d go a little slower,” or “Right there, oh my god, don’t move… but what if they do?”
Your mind races. You are also scared of talking because you feel like you could ruin the moment.
I’ve had someone tell me certain phrases excite them so much that they feel a sudden surge of energy to perform even better in bed. This is not dirty talking, but I daresay it’s even better than that. It’s not difficult, and I’m going to walk you through it.
According to R.J. Wright, a TikTok creator that I find interesting and skilled, there are four things you should know to successfully talk someone through it, but before we dig into them, there are certain things you must know.
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What is the Importance of Communication During Sex?
Talking during sex doesn’t ruin intimacy. Instead, it helps your partner understand your desires, your limits, and what lights you up. The right communication boosts confidence and closeness and heightens pleasure.
It also helps you understand each other’s needs better. Even the most compatible couples can misunderstand each other in bed. Maybe one person thinks harder pressure means passion, while the other interprets it as discomfort. Or someone changes positions when they’re actually enjoying the current one.
The candid truth is, no one is good in bed for everyone. You become good for each other through communication.
You should also know that everyone’s body has its own language. What worked for a past partner might not work for you, and that’s normal. That is why communication is important.
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Talking helps you say:
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What feels good specifically
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How it feels
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Where you want attention
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It also centres around consent, and my goodness, is consent such a turn-on! “Can I?” said softly against your ear, spikes your desire and anticipation. It doesn’t just make you go gaga; it helps you feel safe enough to be vulnerable – the major ingredient for enjoyable and memorable lovemaking.
Sexy consent examples:
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“I want to touch you here… okay?”
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“Can I go deeper?”
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“Tell me if you want more.”
Consent becomes part of seduction.
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How to Talk During Sex Without Killing the Mood
R.J. Wright stated that there are four chords of communicating during sex: Refrain, Questions, Descriptions, and Praise.
1. Refrain
Divorce your mind from the regular meaning of a refrain and think poetry. In this case, it means emphasis that builds mood, tension or emotion.
It is one of the simplest ways to guide your partner during sex, yet many shy away from it because they fear sounding repetitive. It’s perfectly okay to repeat yourself. Refrains can be single words, short phrases, or anything you know your partner enjoys hearing.
Examples include ‘more’, ‘mine’, and ‘pretty girl’.
Think about what elicits a positive response from your partner; words that make them feel desired, appreciated, and connected.
The more you know your partner, the more effective a refrain becomes. In a strong, trusting relationship, these repeated cues can heighten pleasure and intimacy rather than make things feel monotonous.
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Questions
Asking questions during sex can be tricky. Only ask ones you’re ready for the answer to. For example, asking, “Do you miss me?” could create awkward tension if the answer isn’t what you hoped or if your partner doesn’t feel the same about you.
Instead, keep questions light, playful, or guiding, such as:
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“Do you like this?”
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“Do you want more?”
The key is to enhance connection without creating pressure or vulnerability you’re not prepared to handle.
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Description
Use words to paint the experience. Describe what you’re about to do, what you want to do, what you’re doing, or what you’ve just done. Layer in sensory details: what you smell, see, taste, hear, or feel.
Evocative words bring your partner into your experience:
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soft, wet, warm, so good, so fucking good… (repeat as you like.)
You can combine this with praise:
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“You taste so fucking good.”
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“Your skin feels amazing.”
The more vivid and sensory your language, the more immersive the moment becomes.
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