When Kehinde Bankole (Adire) drops the line “Find the ‘sisi’ in you again” in Adire, a 2023 Nigerian film directed by Adeoluwa Owu, you feel it. The surge in you to come alive again. To be whole, seductive in the way life meant you to be. It’s equal to the feeling you get after listening to a motivational speaker.
Life happens to us in different measures, some more intense and maddening than others. But the effect is general. You feel burnt out, like a stranger to yourself, moping through the world as a cry for help.
Maybe a lover broke you; perhaps you lost your job or someone dear to you; whatever happened to make you lose your spark, I hope this reaches you and helps you regain it.
I hope it helps you find the woman who once danced through life with fire in her eyes, the one you might have buried under expectations, heartbreak, and self-doubt.
First Things First, Who is A “Sisi”?
“Sisi” is a Yoruba expression for a young, vibrant lady. She’s a confident, alluring, stylish woman who owns her presence. A ‘sisi’ is playful, feminine, expressive, and unapologetically herself. She radiates charm, embraces her sensuality, and carries a spark that makes her unforgettable.
To find the “Sisi” in you again, you have to do the work. It takes effort to pull yourself out of that phase. Take this as your life list.
Read Next: 5 Unspoken feminine gestures that can drive a man crazy
Own Your Story, All of It
Life has a way of piling shame, regret, or disappointment on us. Maybe it was a mistake you made, a relationship that failed, an opportunity you let slip, or the changes in your body after childbirth. Perhaps it’s the opinions of people who tried to shrink you.
Here’s something you should hold on to forever: Your story is the source of your power. Owning it is more than acknowledging it. It’s standing tall in it. It’s looking in the mirror and saying, “Yes, I’ve been through that. But it doesn’t define me.”
That boldness, that audacity to claim your life, is what you need.
Reconnect With the Woman You Once Were
Think back to the girl you were before the world told you who to be. Maybe she painted boldly, sang loudly, or laughed at herself with reckless abandon. Maybe she wore the sexiest outfits and the boldest attitude without a frigging care in the world.
That woman is still inside you, waiting for permission to shine.
It’s all about confidence. How do you get to be sassy again? If you read, I recommend The Power of the Pussy. It’s useful in more ways than one. My colleague, Precious, wrote about the many ways it could help you build your confidence.
Another great book to read if you used to be ambitious is Becoming by Michelle Obama. Her story is about owning your past, embracing growth, and stepping into your own power. Or try Untamed by Glennon Doyle, which dares you to break free from expectations and rediscover your authentic self.
And if you are not a reader, an audiobook is your best friend, darling.
Dress Sexy and Let Fashion Be Your Armour
As a dress-up girlie, I recommend fashion. It costs money, but fantasy is free. You can also make do with what you have. I’ve come to realise that a bad day can be salvaged just by dressing how I truly want.
When you dress intentionally to suit your desires, not what society expects from you, you reclaim your power and grace as a woman. It’s a way of telling the world and yourself: ‘This is me; deal with it.’
Your wardrobe should feel like an extension of your energy. Mix textures, play with colours, and try prints that make your heart skip a beat. If you want, show some skin. Be daring, be seductive, be bold and frigging sassy.
You are the art, and your body is the canvas. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Even a small accessory that makes you smile is a stitch of self-love.
Read Next: The 3 Colours Scientifically Proven to Make You More Attractive.
Buy Some Lingerie/Sexy Underwear & Get Into the Art of Boudoir
A particular scene in Adire caught my attention and inspired this article.
Shalewa, one of the women whose marriage felt threatened by Adire’s emergence in their town, visited her with the sole aim of fighting her. After a short back and forth, Adire gifted her a set of lingerie, saying, “Find the sisi in you again.”
This is to show that the first step to being desired is feeling desirable yourself. Shalewa put on the lingerie and admired herself in the mirror. She loved her reflection. Her husband came in and went gaga.
In the spirit of decentering men, let’s get to the point. A sexy underwear that complements your assets and makes you feel good is a tool to feel sexy again. You don’t have to reveal it for the world to see, but dear, take a picture. Pose like you’re a boudoir model; take your photos as a reminder that you are all that and more.
