When an older single woman decides to have a child because marriage is not forthcoming, is it a sin?
Whether it’s through in vitro fertilisation (IVF), sperm donation, surrogacy, or even adoption, hasn’t she earned the right to make such a choice, especially if she can afford it? The news of Toke Makinwa’s pregnancy a few weeks ago stirred mixed reactions among Nigerian Christians, particularly because she publicly gave the glory to God.
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The Debate Around Single Motherhood by Choice
However, her testimony triggered backlash. Solomon Buchi, for instance, argued she didn’t need to bring Jesus into it.
Similarly, Prophet Helen Segun Funmi made a video claiming God cannot give you a child without a husband. She argued that the faith Toke used to ask God for a child before turning 40 could have been applied in asking Him for a husband.
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This raises some tough questions:
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Was Toke wrong for having a child outside marriage?
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Should she have waited for God to provide a husband first?
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What does the Bible really say about this, if anything?
We know the Bible speaks against fornication, but since Toke used IVF, is that even relevant here? To find answers, we asked four pastors, who chose to remain anonymous, and these are their responses:
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1. Does the Bible explicitly or implicitly address single motherhood by choice (through adoption, IVF, sperm donation, or surrogacy)?
Pastor A: From a religious standpoint, the subjects of IVF, sperm donation and surrogacy (as we have known it in the past few years) are counter to God’s original design for childbearing, family and parenting. We understand that the world has developed and that these methods have become acceptable ways of procreation, but when we place them side by side with Scriptures, we can see how they differ from how God originally designed child-bearing and becoming a parent.
Pastor B: The Bible doesn’t address it, either explicitly or implicitly.
Pastor C: The Bible doesn’t directly address single motherhood by choice through modern methods like IVF or sperm donation.
Pastor D: The Bible neither explicitly nor implicitly addresses single motherhood by adoption, IVF, sperm donation, or surrogacy. This is clear because, apart from adoption, none of the aforementioned pathways to parenthood existed during biblical times.
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2. Is it sinful, or simply unconventional, for an older Christian woman to intentionally pursue single motherhood?
Pastor A: When it comes to calling something sinful, I am careful to label what wasn’t clearly labelled in Scriptures as a sin, a sin. To this question, I would ask the older Christian woman why she is intentionally pursuing single motherhood. What is her motive? That is what defines everything.
Pastor B: Well, it’s not a concept of sin. The act in itself is not sinful.
Pastor C: The Bible doesn’t condemn single motherhood as sinful. Instead, it emphasises the importance of:
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Faith and trust in God (Proverbs 3:5-6, Jeremiah 17:7).
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Caring for the vulnerable (James 1:27, Matthew 25:31-46).
Pastor D: I will be hesitant to conclude as sinful the desire of a Christian woman to intentionally pursue single motherhood. However, in a real-life scenario, I would be more concerned with the origin of her intentionally making this choice.
3. Do you think there’s a moral difference between adoption (caring for an existing child) versus deliberately creating life (through IVF, sperm donation, etc.) as a single woman?
Pastor A: I would say that the motive for these options tells a lot about the moral standpoint/justification of the decision. If I am to look at it personally and from Scriptures, I would say adoption is the morally justified option between the two.
Pastor B: I think the reasons why anyone would opt for any of the options are more important… not the act in itself.
Pastor C: The Bible encourages adoption and caring for orphans: James 1:27; Psalm 68:5-6.
Pastor D: A single woman seeking to adopt is assisting in reducing the problems caused by another. Employing IVF or sperm donation to assist couples seeking babies is remedial, but a single person seeking this is rather unconventional. I’ll leave it at that.
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4. How should the church respond to or support single older Christian women who choose single motherhood without marriage?
Pastor A: If a single older Christian women choose motherhood without marriage, we should love, support and encourage them, while teaching and admonishing the younger ones about God’s original purpose/design for motherhood. With love comes support for the mother and the child.
Pastor B: The most important thing to the church is the salvation of those that Jesus died for. With this in mind, the specific circumstance would determine the church’s response.
Pastor C: While the Bible doesn’t directly address single motherhood by choice, it emphasises the importance of faith, trust, and caring for the vulnerable. The church should respond with support, care, and community.
Pastor D: If a child has resulted by any means, the blessing and goodwill of the church is not to be withdrawn. A child need not suffer for any decision their parents made.
From all these responses, one thing is clear: the issue isn’t black and white. Each pastor agrees that the Bible does not explicitly call single motherhood by choice a sin, though motives and circumstances matter.