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For many long-term couples, learning to communicate with a partner without fighting can often feel like an unattainable goal.
The truth is that we're not born with the ability to navigate conflicts skillfully, and so many of us fail to effectively communicate with our partners to resolve even the slightest issues.
Well, the good news is that even if you didn't grow up with role models who can teach you how to communicate the most difficult topics with your partner, you can learn how to build better communication skills in your relationship.
Today's article offers communication tips that will help you communicate effectively and build the romantic bond you need to go past constant fights in your relationship.
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1. Ask open-ended questions
Communication goes beyond discussing each other's day and asking what they had for lunch. It involves digging deep to learn more about the other person. Digging deep is never as easy as it sounds, especially with people who are still learning how to talk comfortably about feelings.
Fortunately, there's a way to dig deep without pressuring your significant other. For example, instead of asking yes or no questions like “Did work go well today?” try making your question more open-ended. So, it becomes “how was work today?”
They may also respond with monosyllabic answers, but it allows them to share more if they wish to. Also, learn to be patient with them if they're not ready to share more. As you build intimacy with them, they'll begin to feel comfortable sharing their innermost concerns with you.
2. Learn to understand nonverbal cues
If your partner says, “Work was fine,” but their tone sounds upset, scared, or irritated, there may be something else they're not talking about. Communication often goes beyond what we say. It also involves how we say what we say. Our attitude and tone often say a lot more than our words.
And it's such a big skill to pick up nonverbal cues. So, learn to look at your partner's expression and listen to their tone to know when you should probably press further or give them time to reflect on their feelings.
3. Set aside time to talk
One mistake couples often make is to assume the other party is always on the same page. Well, nothing causes tension and kills relationships more than assumptions. Learn to converse about everything. Even the most insignificant things can cause one party to feel unheard or unseen.
Talking about everything is important because you'll never know what actually matters to the other person if you don't sit to talk about it. Beyond creating time for conversations, learn to actively listen and adjust your attitude based on your partner's wants and feelings. You may talk every day, but there's a special bond that comes with setting time aside for something a little deeper.
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4. Tell them what you need from them
Sometimes, you just want to vent and feel validated by having your significant other say, “Yeah, that really sucks, but you'll get over it!” Other times, you want detailed advice from them. The truth is none of you are mind readers, so it's important to tell your partner what you want so you can be sure you're both on the same page.
So saying something beforehand like “I'm not looking for any advice now; I just need to vent” will help them know what you need and how to support you through any situation.
5. Think about timing
Choosing the right time to communicate with your partner can make much difference. If something is weighing deep on your mind, give your partner a heads-up that you want to sit and talk.
If your partner knows you're about to discuss this with them, it can help de-escalate the situation. They won't feel ambushed or blindsided by the discussion.
So, you see, effective communication is the bedrock of successful communication. But it's never as easy as it sounds. If you're having difficulty learning effective communication in your relationship, consider seeing a therapist.
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