“english Is A Stupid Language” A Poem By Papadoh
There is no egg in eggplant
No ham in hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in pineapple
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught, Why didn’t the preacher praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?!
Why do people recite at a play yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways.
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where
A house can burn up as it burns down
And in which you fill in a form by filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes. When stars are out they are visible
But when lights are out they are invisible.